The Privilege of Rejecting You
I learned the other day that a close colleague organized a trip with a bunch of our close friends. I WAS NOT INVITED! Oh was I angry. I called her. She thought I would not want to go. She was right. The trip sounded awful, and it was something I would never do. Yet, she took away my privilege of rejecting her. The nerves on this person! (Note: The Y is used to make it more personal).
I call this PORY, short for the privilege of rejecting you. PORY is truly frivolous. It is the snob cousin of FOMO. Where FOMO makes you want to do things, PORY does not. PORY just wants to keep the power dynamics in place and keep you in control. My friend in the end was right, I had no intention of going. It was an awful trip for me. But I still got angry, she took the PORY from me, and that completely unfair to my inner child.
Switching gears, PORY happens everywhere, not only in the personal realms. Today, I went to the offices of an almost legally racists institution in search of an appointment. I did this because after I called, the automatic answer machine directed me to an email that said that if they do not reply in two weeks, I should send the email again. After two tries, it felt useless.
I had explored their website for an appointment, but this institution is good at racism. Their website is extensive and crazily detailed and clear in the aspects that no one cares about. The genius of it is that as clear as it is in the frivolous, it completely ambiguous and ever-changing in anything related to their raison d’etre: e.g., providing migrants with appointments. It is as Borges explained a true Garden of Forking Paths for anything people actually need. Frustrated, I went to their offices and granted them their PORY.
Turns out that their systems do work but only for those who know their tricks. Tricks that one can only go to their offices. After you go and grant them the privilege of rejecting you and make you feel like a worthless migrant in a land whose boat is full, they happily give you, their trick.
I asked around and the few people with appointments had paid their PORY and gotten their trick. It seems as if the trick works. Don't hold your breath.